Energy and Matter

When I don’t get any email for a long time, like, responses to submissions, I start getting all paranoid that editors all over the United States are conspiring against me, sending secret emails to each other, saying: This guy’s an idiot, or This kid’s garbage, or No one talk to him ever again. I waste a lot of energy on this.

When I’m scared of something it helps to think, What are you worried about? This doesn't matter, or it won't in the long run. There's nothing to worry about or be afraid of. That makes me feel better, until a moment later when I think, Shouldn't this matter? Why doesn't this matter?

Adult problems are much bigger when you’re an adult. When you’re a kid, all you have to worry about are things that’ll big mess you up for the rest of your life, causing all your adult problems.

I’ve never been interviewed. I imagine having a microphone allergy. Shoved into my face at a press conference, a bouquet of them’ll make me sneeze. I’ll blow my nose. I’ll lay down in the grass on my tummy. My chin on my hands, legs bent up at the knees, feet crossed in the air, explaining myself to the flowers. When I’m finished they’ll ask too many questions. I won’t know how to respond.

2 comments:

Ethel Rohan said...

Ah, anxiety. Who can't relate? Methinks it sucks, but it's great fuel for fiction.

I love that image of you on the grass. Especially: " ... explaining myself to the flowers. When I'm finished they'll ask too many questions. I won't know how to respond."

Use it :-)

Eric Beeny said...

Big thanks, Ethel...