How to Become a Millionaire

1 /
Come up with a great idea on how to become a millionaire.

Write a book about putting your idea into practice.

Become an instructor.

Travel the country, the world.

Host seminars on how to become a millionaire, and have people pay you to know the secret(s) to becoming a millionaire.

Don’t give them the secret(s), just promise you’ll give them the secret(s).

People will pay you to pretend you know what you say you know.

You’ll become a millionaire.

You’ll eventually have to keep that a secret, keep the money to yourself.

2 /
Become an actor.

The best way to do that is to just be yourself.

Show up for auditions, talk to the other actors to find out who they’re pretending to be (Hint: it might be the same person you’re pretending to be—You).

Only one You to a role, so be the best You you can be.

Pretend to be anyone else, it won’t seem authentic.

3 /
Do something for a year.

Make it a project.

Look around, find something no one else has done.

Take time out of your life, go slumming.

Find a dead end job with absolutely no advancement opportunities and stay there as long as you can.

Budget your earnings.

Live on nothing.

Prove to yourself the 'American Dream' is still 'alive and kicking'.

Endure every hardship.

On purpose.

Then stop.

Write a book about what you learned.

People from FOX News will invite you onto their talk shows.

They’ll ask you questions.

Answer them in an exitedly subtle way that will insult the people you went slumming with who can’t afford to escape their circumstances and inspire others who can to want to write a book and plug it on national television.

Soon everyone will do something for a year, write a book about it and go on FOX News to plug their book.

The waiting room at FOX News will be filled with patriotic people like yourself, all talking to each other about how great things are now that they’ve taken time to show disenfranchised people how great things could be, if only they were someone else.


xTx said...

thank you for this helpful advice. i will send you a letter with more than enough stamps when i am a millionaire

Eric Beeny said...

Please do, and then please tell me how you became a millionaire because I want to know how...

Ethel Rohan said...

Money, who needs it ...

Oh, yeah.

Eric Beeny said...

Exactly, no one needs it. Money is nothing more than imagined value which, as Kant says of art or beauty, we subjectively ascribe value to. Meh...

"Money is sad shit." -Richard Brautigan